CHANGE And The Lists That Come With It.

In a situation where one might leave their comfort zone, where one might step outside of that place that they have built their dam, step significantly far for the first step, one might grieve. Or one might pretend not to grieve but in reality, they're grieving more than they've ever grieved before. When I leave this place, this place that I have chosen put all of my trust and love into, of course I'll grieve.I'm enthralled. Avid even.I'm so excited to step out of my world and experience another for a change because well, I've got a case of xenophilia and I honestly don't see that going anywhere.I'll likely love it. Maybe even choose to stay for a second year, a third... But for now. I'll grieve; and I'm okay with that. Maybe grief is too intense of a word. Nobody's dying or leaving forever(I hope) and I am SO excited. But I am scared.

•  I'm scared of scary people following me around.
•  I'm scared of leaving my mother and step-dad for a year.(I''m sure they'll enjoy a break, but if not for their sake then for mine. My mother gets me through everything.)
• I'm scared that when I come back Asheville will have become either Los Angeles or Kansas and I really don't like either of those places.
• I'm scared that I'll get attached to people there and it will hurt so bad to leave them.
• I'm scared of leaving the people here that I'm already attached to and it will hurt so bad to leave them. (even for just a year or two.)
• I'm scared that they'll be too academically lenient on me and I'll have a hard time adjusting back into whatever school I'll be at in senior year.
• I'm scared that I'll sit around in my room all day blogging and anxiously making lists because well, that's what I do when I'm anxious.

Not only do I have commitment issues, I also have a problem with change which is one reason why I'm trying to completely submerge myself in it.CHANGE. A terrifying thing that takes a whole lot of practice. I know, I know. I'm starting pretty drastically. I mean. A different country drastically. But still. Something I am usually good at is taking a risk, and I love an adventure. So what the heck. Here I come. 

(I love old maps.)