Lonely

   I hate the word lonely. When I say it, especially when referring to myself, I feel so pathetic.
"I'm lonely."   Gross.
Who wants to hang out with a lonely person? Nobody.
I feel like all of the people I love most are in the wrong places because they're too out-of-reach. And all the people who think that I love them most are in the wrong places because they're too on-hand and there. And the people that think that I love them the most think that I think they love me the most but don't. And I know that they don't. They don't love me at all. They just like me.
 The people who I love the most love me. I miss those people.
I'm lonely. There. I said it. You know why? Because I've surrounded myself with people that I don't love and when I do that I feel alone. I feel straight in a gay bar because even if people like me there, they couldn't actually love me if they tried and even if I loved them, it would be hopeless and embarrassing. So I don't try. So I leave. So I'm left alone. So I'm lonely. 
I used to think that if you didn't have friends or family you were lonely. That only if you were literally ALONE, then you were lonely. Now I'm experiencing a type of abandoned-only-by-my-own-species-lonely. Which in some ways is worse because being a puppy left alone in a room with only lions is less fun then just being an alone puppy.
My mother says "it will all work out". Luckily my mother is, without fail, always right, so...

I guess we'll see.

Life Is Good

It's been a good while since I've written last. Two months? Two and a half? A LOT has happened. It's summer vacation and I'm free at last from Asheville for hopefully forever.
  Everything for next year is set. My visa is ready to go, i have my calling cards and pins and blazer...shoo, I'm a foreign exchange student. This past weekend, I attending a Rotary Youth exchange orientation and I've learned everything that I could possibly be curious about for next year twice over. I feel so prepared that I could leave as soon as I could get packed and Ohhhhhh lord I'm ready.  

   

In the past five weeks of summer, I have done the following:

• Spent four weeks being a camp counselor at Camp Celo, a super cool outdoorsy kids camp (That you should definitely check out whether you're a kid, parent, teen, or young adult.) where I met some pretty dang amazing people and had more fun than I could have asked for. 

• Spent some quality time with my awesome friend Vinessa whom was a counselor with me at Celo and took some impromptu pictures in the river arts district...

• Spent another day with my friend Simon and his family to welcome him home from his trip to South Korea...

• And so much more that I don't have the patients to list.

Anyways, thus far....AWESOME SUMMER. Next stop... New York. I'm going to a lake called Big Wolf in the Adirondacks in Upstate. We stay in a lake house there every summer and It's so much fun. I keep getting flash backs of last year....

After that, California and then..........................

ITALYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^Cremona, IT

So happy right now. While I was at school, I was constantly in a place of unhappiness. There was some sort of conflict going on socially, or emotionally, or with school stuff... Now I'm finding myself to be at a peak of happiness even in the dullest of moments.