These past few nights I've gotten less than sleep despite my ongoing efforts to get more than sleep. I've gone to "bed" no later than 9:45 for the past three nights in order to catch up from the weekend and have managed to actually
sleep about 4 hours. I don't know why, but I've been sleeping in
really shallow waters. Usually when I can't sleep at night, (which happens rarely, but it does sometimes happen) it's because I'm thinking. I've had an eventful day or something really significant has happened to me and I just can't keep my brain shut off. Usually when this happens; when I can't fall asleep due to conversation after song after bad news playing on repeat in my brain, I try to visualize all of those things in one location. I put them all on a windshield and only focus on the back and forth motion of the windshield wiper washing each one of those things away. I used to always use this when I couldn't fall asleep as a child. Or when my mother attempted to get me to meditate with her and all I could thing about was the candy I was never given. The problem with this tactic: Candy smears. And I would imagine when placed on a windshield and wiped across glass it would smear
undoubtedly. So that became the flaw in this strategy. I would get rid of the bulk but was left with the crumbs which is almost worse.
That hasn't been what's been happening though. It's really been like I'm just walking ankle deep in warm water which always raises goosebumps along the rest of your surface. I'm tired and I'm trying and no matter how obsessively I change my bed sheets for comfort it's not working, gosh-darnit.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a child. Where the most simple thing of a mobile would keep the Z's coming or in my case a white Gauss canopy. I couldn't sleep without it. It was like a princess' bug net for bad dreams. It kept out the monsters and the slimy things perched underneath my bed because it was too pleasant for them. Too soft.
I'm just not tired at all now. Maybe it's from all those caffinated cups of tea this morning. I drink tea when it rains because it gives me an excuse to sit on the porch and watch it rain without worrying about what I should be doing. I should be sleeping.
